


Feel Stupid (Come Undone)

by wherehopelies



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 14:31:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4183404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wherehopelies/pseuds/wherehopelies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>College AU: Brittany feels stupid sometimes. Title taken from Matchbox Twenty's Mad Season</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feel Stupid (Come Undone)

**Author's Note:**

> Transferring some old stuff from fanfic.net or whatever.

If there’s one thing Brittany didn’t expect from college, it was that her roommate would be scary.  Brittany thinks she shouldn’t be afraid to go in her own room – this is where she’s supposed to be living for the next year, after all – but she is.

Brittany and her roommate are kind of opposites.  She guesses normally that would make them get along great, but Brittany is wrong sometimes (Brittany thinks she is actually wrong a lot, but that’s a story for later).

Her roommate is loud and sometimes that hurts Brittany’s ears.  She’s in the vocal program (Brittany is in dance), but Brittany thinks maybe her roommate should learn something else because she definitely doesn’t need help with her vocals. She thinks the girl should learn to turn her voice off sometimes (Brittany supposes that would be cool.  Her roommate would be like a robot or something).

Sometimes her roommate yells at her and Brittany doesn’t like that.  Well, she’s not sure if she’s being yelled at, but it feels like it.  Her roommate talks really loud and really fast and Brittany is often distracted by how big her roommate’s mouth is and forgets to listen to what the girl may or may not be yelling at her for.

Brittany’s roommate is also really small. Way smaller than Brittany, who is super tall.  She guesses that maybe that shouldn’t make her roommate so scary, but for some reason, that terrifies Brittany even more.  How can someone so little make _her_ feel so tiny?

Because of these reasons, Brittany tries to spend as little time in her room as possible.  That’s okay with her, though, because she likes to dance, and there isn’t much space to dance in her room, anyway. 

//

Another thing Brittany didn’t really expect from college was that she would have to take classes that required books and pencils and essays and studying.  Brittany is majoring in dance and she thought that meant she would be able to dance all the time. 

Brittany doesn’t get to dance all the time, though, because it turns out History of Ballet doesn’t mean Brittany gets to dance ballet, but instead has to write papers on ballet.  Brittany really likes The Nutcracker and she thinks Tchaikovsky is a good composer, but she sometimes gets confused because his name sounds like chives and the Nutcracker has barely anything to do with food except for sugar plums, really (Brittany doesn’t really get that, shouldn’t there at least be walnuts to crack or something?).  It also reminds her of that big kid who lives across the hall, Karofsky, who she saw push a really skinny kid into the wall the other day.  He’s kind of scary, too.

Reading about Tchaikovsky and Swan Lake and Russia makes Brittany really bored, though.  Brittany is a girl of movement, and sitting in the library is really frustrating because she can’t just sit _still_. And like, all these people are in the library, tapping their pens and shuffling papers and sighing out different beats and Brittany’s not sure she can handle it.

But then Brittany thinks of her roommate and how yesterday she started going off on Brittany for something about her sleep habits and how she should really get up earlier and have a specific workout routine and morning regimen, and Brittany convinces herself that sitting in the library wouldn’t be so bad.

After that, the library becomes her new home.  She learns where the Art section is and that there is a secret study room in the History section.  Brittany knows when the busiest time at the library is and the times when the library is so quiet that she feels guilty for making noise when she breathes.  Eventually Brittany comes to love the library and everything it offers to her.

Brittany avoids the librarians, though.  Their clothes remind her too much of her roommate.

//

After a few weeks of avoiding her room as much as possible and basically setting up camp in the library, Brittany realizes that she actually doesn’t have _that_ much book work to do.  She has _some_ , but most of her classes are performance workshops.  She doesn’t even really have showcases yet because, as a freshman, she’s still learning and almost all of her classes are focused on instruction.

As a result of this, Brittany is dismayed to say that she doesn’t actually have much work to do in the library.  She stays caught up on the homework she does have and sometimes even reads ahead.  When she’s done that, she whips out her laptop and Googles pictures of really fat cats (she misses her cat Lord Tubbington a lot because the dorms don’t allow pets. (Brittany finds this ridiculous, but she doesn’t make the rules)).

It’s then that Brittany finds that there are more things to study in the library than just books.  There are _people_ , Brittany realizes, and they are way more interesting than memorizing the years when each position was integrated into the standard arsenal for professional ballerinas or something like that.  So she finds herself a new hobby:

Brittany watches.

Brittany watches all the people that come into the library, and she learns. 

Brittany learns about the boy in the wheelchair who comes in every day and hooks his laptop up to the fancy outlet by the technology section and does something really cool on it that reminds Brittany of the Matrix.

She learns about the lanky, awkward guy who comes in and always starts to do homework before getting frustrated and slouching in his chair for a prolonged session of Angry Birds (he doesn’t get very far most days (Not that Brittany is watching… he just has his laptop facing hers, and like, the pigs are really cute)). 

Brittany even learns about the tense blonde girl who pulls novel after novel off the shelf before slightly limping back to her table in the back right (she _never_ sits anywhere else) and submersing herself in her books and not emerging for hours.

Brittany likes watching all of these people.  She feels like she knows them, even if she’s never met them.

For instance, she knows that wheelchair boy is dating the pretty Asian with purple highlights because she’s seen them kiss like a million times (Brittany thinks they’re really cute together).  She’s _sure_ that the tall Angry Birds guy is best friends with some dude with a mohawk (he always shows up right when the kid is about to do his homework and she hears them talking about a jam session).  Brittany is also pretty positive that the pretty blonde girl needs more friends because she looks super uptight (she thinks the girl might have gone through a lot of stuff that makes it hard for her to trust people because she _glowers_ at anyone who comes near her table, which makes Brittany kind of sad).

Brittany thinks it’s pretty cool that she knows so much about these people, especially because they all seem super awesome and she kind of wants to be friends with them.  In fact, Brittany was so excited that she had learned so much about these people that she just _had_ to tell her roommate because honestly, Brittany didn’t really have anyone else to tell.  But she had to tell _someone_.

She hadn’t really expected her roommate to tell her that she was invading people’s privacy and how would Brittany like it if someone watched her all day and suddenly knew random things about her without knowing her name?  Brittany wants to tell her roommate that she thinks that would make those people super smart and observant, but her roommate keeps going on about stalkers and restraining orders and the whole thing makes Brittany’s head hurt, so she just nods until her roommate stops talking and then she goes to sleep.

//

The next day when Brittany goes to the library she decides to never tell her roommate anything ever again because now she feels really guilty watching people live their lives and learning things about them.  In fact, she feels so guilty that she can’t even sit in the main area anymore because she realized that she has become addicted to finding out the outcome of Lanky Kid’s recent battle with Angry Birds.  Brittany thinks that might not be healthy.

Brittany finds a new spot, hidden away in the Architecture section, and it’s so quiet in there that Brittany thinks she might start hyperventilating.  She tries to focus on her reading (she has an essay due next week), but it’s so quiet and Brittany’s feet won’t stop jiggling and she just can’t _stand_ it.  So she looks up.

And that is when Brittany thinks the end of the world has happened.

Okay, not really.  But she’s pretty sure the moment is life-changing.  Because sitting there, two tables down and three seats over, is the most perfect living thing Brittany has ever seen.  She wants to call this thing a person (more specifically a _girl_ ), but she’s convinced there is a _goddess_ sitting in front of her.  Brittany is pretty sure no word will ever do this person/thing/goddess justice. 

Brittany decides to just call her a girl until she finds a word that is a suitable replacement.

Now, Brittany has seen a lot of attractive girls in her life (she was a cheerleader), but never has she seen someone so… just wow.  This girl has this hair that just… and this flawless skin that… and when she looks up at the clock absentmindedly, Brittany notices that she has these eyes that… yeah.

The girl catches her eyes and quickly looks away and that’s when Brittany realizes she’s _staring_ and her roommate’s words echo in her head and it’s all Brittany can do to glance back at her book in front of her.  She doesn’t want to seem like a creeper.

But this girl is just… yeah, and so Brittany can’t help but look up every few minutes just to make sure her eyes haven’t been doing that hallucinating thing again that happened when her friend Matt offered her shrooms in 10th grade (she imagined LT was wearing a sombrero and meowing Feliz Navidad while doing the Macarena).

After about the eighth time she’s peeked up at the girl, Brittany determines that no, she’s not hallucinating and no, it’s not the end of the world.  This perfect being is _actually_ there.

Brittany’s kind of not sure what to do at this point, but then the girl is packing up her notebooks and walking swiftly out of the room without even a backward glance at Brittany.

Brittany thinks she might be in love.

//

Things have not always been easy for Brittany.  Brittany is a girl of movement, not a girl of words, and sometimes she says things that make people look at her funny.

Brittany feels stupid sometimes.  The feeling comes and goes, but never has Brittany felt stupid because she _hasn’t_ said something.  She feels stupid now, though.

She’s returned to the hidden spot in the Architecture section every day for two weeks now.  And every day this perfect girl is there.  It makes Brittany sad because she is pretty sure Perfection hasn’t noticed her at all.  Brittany desperately wants to say something to the girl, but she keeps coming up blank.  She feels dumb, but it’s like her brain can’t think right when this girl is near her.

Brittany _knows_ that’s stupid.  She hasn’t talked to this girl at all so why should she be nervous?  For all Brittany knows, this girl could be as scary as her roommate.  Scarier even.  But Brittany likes to give people the benefit of the doubt (she secretly thinks she might give this girl the benefit of the doubt even if she _was_ scarier than her roommate).

For the life of her, Brittany can’t think of anything to say to this girl, so Brittany does what she does best.

Brittany watches.

Brittany watches, and she learns.

She can hear her roommate’s loud voice in her head, yelling at her to stop staring at random girls, but Brittany ignores it.  This girl is not random, she reasons.  This girl is Perfection.

The more Brittany watches, the more that thought solidifies in her head. 

Perfection is beautiful.  She sometimes wears her long hair down and sometimes she tucks it into a ponytail.  Brittany finds she particularly likes it when Perfection has her hair pulled halfway up.  Brittany thinks it’s like getting the best of both worlds.

Brittany especially likes Perfection’s eyes.  They are dark and deep, always full of thought and concentration.  Sometimes they are hidden behind glasses, but other days they shine clear and bright, and Brittany wonders if her glasses are those fake hipster ones, and does Perfection wear contacts, and how do eyes hold such an intensity that it makes her normally steady knees feel shaky?

Brittany’s favorite part of this girl is her facial expressions, though.  When Perfection is concentrating really hard, her forehead gets this tiny crease in the middle and her teeth pull her bottom lip into her mouth.  Brittany thinks it’s impossibly cute.

Watching this girl makes the air around Brittany settle.  The silence isn’t too loud and pencil rhythms don’t make Brittany claustrophobic and Brittany vibrates calmly, like the moments before rain.

Brittany wants so badly to talk to this girl, but Perfection is always focused.  Perfection reads and Perfection writes and Perfection has cool tools to make sketches on her paper that Brittany is kind of jealous of.  Brittany has never been good at art. 

Brittany watches Perfection work for hours every day, using the time to build her courage to say something, but then Perfection is always leaving and never sparing a glance back at Brittany.

Brittany always thinks she will say something tomorrow.

//

Brittany has kissed a lot of girls in her life.  She has kissed tall girls, short girls, cheerleaders, nerds, Glee girls, soccer girls, younger girls, older girls. 

Brittany has a reputation.

Brittany has never had a girlfriend, though.

Now that she watches perfection in the body of a girl every day, Brittany realizes that while she has _kissed_ a lot of girls, this doesn’t really help her tell when girls _like_ other girls.

Drunk girls, Brittany realizes, do not always like other girls.

No matter how many different types of girls she has kissed, Brittany has only ever kissed drunk girls.

How can you tell when a sober girl likes other girls?

Brittany definitely likes other girls, and Brittany definitely likes Perfection, but what does _Perfection_ like?

She tries to guess just by watching, but the thing about Perfection is that she’s versatile.  It’s one of the things Brittany likes about her, but it makes it really confusing. 

Perfection has a lot of different outfits.  One day she wore jeans, and one day she wore a skirt, and one day she wore a tight black dress that made Brittany’s mouth water.  Sometimes Perfection wears hoodies and sometimes Perfection wears short-sleeved plaid and once Perfection wore a leather jacket that Brittany thinks should be illegal because how could it make Perfection even more perfect?  Brittany just can’t fathom these things.

Sometimes Perfection wears flip flops and sometimes she wears boots and personally, Brittany really likes when Perfection wears Converse, but that might be because they are bright red and Brittany has always loved red.

This is another time Brittany feels stupid, but she just can’t decide if Perfection likes girls because sometimes clothes make it really obvious and other times they don’t and this is a time where they don’t.

Also, Brittany has never seen Perfection with any other girls, only boys.  Brittany’s not sure if this should make her nervous or not because Perfection hangs out with two boys, but has never acted flirty with either of them, as far as she can tell.

Sometimes the blonde one puckers his big lips at Perfection, but she just rolls her eyes and tells him to go read The Adventures of Something Brittany Can’t Understand and leave her alone because she has shit to get done.

The quiet Asian one never seems to be flirty with Perfection, but he’s around more often and sometimes hugs Perfection when they are done doing homework together.  Brittany thinks it’s cute to watch Perfection yell at him to let her the fuck down, because even though she’s punching the guy, Perfection gets this teeny smile on her face that she tries to hide.  Brittany doesn’t understand how Perfection keeps getting more perfect.

Brittany wants to know more and more about Perfection, and what she is majoring in and who are her friends and does Perfection like boys or girls or both?

So Brittany watches.

Brittany watches, but Brittany doesn’t learn.

//

The opportunity to learn comes soon, though, on a Tuesday when Brittany has been in the library for too long because she has morning classes.

Brittany spends the afternoon watching Perfection, but Perfection never watches her back and Brittany is starting to get discouraged.  She doesn’t like watching from afar. 

Brittany wants to be close to Perfection, discover if Perfection’s skin is as soft as it looks, dance with Perfection.  Brittany wants to know Perfection, hug Perfection, lean in and touch her lips to Perfection’s pouty –

And then Perfection is leaving, always leaving, before Brittany gets a chance to talk to her, and Brittany watches her go, disappointed.

It’s then that Brittany sees The Opportunity.  It presents itself in the form of a book, resting on the table next to the spot Perfection just vacated.

Brittany feels stupid a lot, but not right now, because Brittany is _sure_ that is Perfection’s book and has Perfection just _left_ it there?

Brittany looks at the book and then at the door and then back at the book and it’s then that Brittany jumps out of her chair and over to Perfection’s empty table.  She grabs the book and jogs out of the Architecture section, head whipping around until she sees Perfection walking out of the library doors.

Brittany races after her, desperate to catch up because what if Perfection _needs_ this book and what if it’s an expensive book, and oh my God, why does Perfection walk so fast?

“Hey!” She’s just behind Perfection now and she manages to reach a hand out and touch Perfection’s shoulder (oh my God) and then Perfection whips around with a snarky “What!”

Brittany holds the book out, gasping a little from her short run, and looks into Perfection’s face closely for the first time.

From up close, she thinks Perfection’s skin _does_ look smooth and her eyes are amazingly brown and holy crap, she is talking to Perfection.

“You forgot your book,” Brittany manages to get out.

Perfection’s face opens up in surprise as she takes the book from Brittany and then she smiles a soft smile Brittany hasn’t seen her smile yet.

“Oh my God, you just saved my life.  I have a paper due tomorrow on this shit.”

Brittany is only able to nod and give a weak smile in return because Perfection has the voice of an angel and Brittany has never had a voice so sweet and sticky talk to her before.

“Thank you,” Perfection is saying and Brittany is still smiling and she just barely manages to choke out a “you’re welcome,” before Perfection is leaving without even a backward glance at Brittany.

Brittany thinks the world really might be ending this time.

//

The world didn’t end, though, and Brittany kind of wishes it had.  Nothing has changed.  Brittany sits in the library the next day and tries to do her reading about Gardel and the history of the Paris Opera, but she’s distracted.  She can’t stop looking at Perfection, sitting two tables away and using the little rainbow tool to draw something on her paper.

All she can hear is Perfection’s voice in her ears, sticky like caramel, and the way she breathed out ‘thank you’ to Brittany the day before.

Brittany wishes that had been an opening, a gateway to a friendship or even a conversation or just, _something_ , but no.  Nothing has changed.

Brittany still watches Perfection and Perfection still doesn’t even notice her.

When Perfection starts packing up her things, shoving them into her backpack and slipping on her jacket, Brittany sighs in disappointment.  Brittany didn’t say anything, and now Perfection is going to leave like always, and Brittany will just watch her go.

She watches as Perfection checks her phone, before stowing it in the pocket of her jacket.  She watches as Perfection twists her hair up into a ponytail.  She watches as Perfection throws her backpack over one shoulder and takes a few steps away from her table. She watches as Perfection slides her eyes over to Brittany, snapping her head around in a double take. 

And then Brittany watches as Perfection smiles slightly and starts walking toward her.

“Hey,” Perfection says when she gets close enough and Brittany is pretty sure she can’t breathe. 

“Hi,” she manages to mumble out and she feels stupid, stupid, stupid because Perfection has finally noticed her and now she can’t seem to say, you know, words and stuff.

“I just wanted to say thanks again for yesterday.  You literally saved my ass.”  Perfection smiles at her and Brittany thinks she might die.  She hopes she doesn’t, though, because this girl is finally talking to her and it’s amazing.

“It’s no problem,” Brittany says and smiles back because she found words and how could she _not_ smile back at Perfection.

“Can I return the favor and buy you coffee or something?”  Perfection shifts on her toes and her cheeks get a little darker and Brittany thinks she can’t handle it anymore.  Perfection is beyond perfect.

“I… yeah, okay,” Brittany squeaks out.

“Are you busy now?” Perfection tilts her head to the side and Brittany shakes her head.

She stacks her notebooks into her bag and unplugs her laptop from the outlet and _holy crap,_ is this really happening?  Brittany’s sure she can’t breathe properly from disbelief.

Then Perfection hands her a pencil, which she realizes is hers, and says, “Don’t forget this,” with a little smile, and just… forget it.

Brittany thinks she has died and gone to heaven.  This girl doesn’t deserve to be referred to as Perfection anymore because she thinks that word isn’t strong enough.  Brittany is positive there isn’t a word to describe this girl.

“I’m Santana, by the way,” the girl says.

  1.   Santana.



Brittany shakes her head in wonder because, never mind.  She thinks that name fits Perfection perfectly.

//

“She did _what_?”

Brittany smiles weakly.  “She told me that she would tell the RA about my toaster because it’s a fire hazard and she couldn’t have me endangering everyone in the building just because I wanted to toast my Pop Tart.”  The girl across from her laughs and Brittany continues.  “Then she said my eating habits could definitely use a change and I would do well to consider the Vegan lifestyle.”

Santana smiles at her.  “What did you say to that?”

Brittany shrugs and blushes a little.  “Nothing really.  I kind of just nodded and left.  She scares me.”

Brittany can’t really believe this is happening. One minute she was sitting there in the library, forlornly wishing she could talk to the girl sitting in front of her and now ~~Perfection~~ Santana was having a conversation with her. A real, live conversation. They were talking. To each other. Brittany thinks she might be dreaming.

“She scares you?”

“Yeah,” Brittany nods and cups her hands around her mug tighter.  Her fear of her roommate feels kind of childish, but extremely realistic.

“You should just tell her to mind her own business,” Santana tells her.

Brittany feels herself blushing at the comment.  She really doesn’t like confrontation.  She always feels stupid.  “Maybe.”

Santana chuckles a little.  “God, I definitely don’t miss living in the dorms.”

“They’re not so bad,” Brittany says.  “I don’t spend much time in my room anyway.”

Santana raises an eyebrow.  “Where do you spend time, then?”

“In the library,” Brittany smirks.  “In the architecture section.”

“Oh.  That’s so weird. I’ve never seen you in there. I’m in there all the time.”

“I know,” Brittany blurts and Santana looks at her questioningly.  “I mean, I’ve seen you in there.”

“Oh.”  Santana’s cheeks darken slightly and Brittany feels her stomach flutter.  “Sorry, I don’t notice much when I’m working.”

“That’s okay,” Brittany shrugs.  “What’s your major?”

Santana flashes a smile, her dimples appearing in her cheeks.  “Architecture, of course.”

Brittany’s not sure why she never put that together, but she does know that she’s been making assumptions about Santana in the few weeks she’s been watching her, and Brittany wonders if maybe all her guesses were wrong. 

She’s not sure, all she knows is that Santana’s smile makes her feel like something inside of her is coming undone, a string unraveling, a cord that is unwinding, faster and faster.

When Santana asks about Brittany and she says her major is dance, Santana smiles this big toothy grin and Brittany exhales softly in amazement because she is unraveling, a spool of yarn becoming looser and looser.

//

The next day, Brittany has her headphones in when she feels a hand on her shoulder.  She looks up and immediately grins because there is Santana, smiling nervously and clutching at her backpack.

“Hi,” Brittany says, yanking out her headphones so she can hear.

“Hey,” Santana replies.  “What are you listening to?”

“Lifehouse. They’re like, my favorite right now.”

Santana nods and shifts on her toes. “Can I sit with you?”

Brittany feels her stomach drop a little and air bubbles get caught in her throat.  “Of course you can.”

Santana smiles and sits down and the same thing happens the day after that and the day after that.  Brittany thinks she made a friend.

//

“I really think you should come, Brittany.  It’s healthy to have a social life, you know.  You need to find balance or you’ll become stressed.  If you have a breakdown because you’re under too much pressure, well, I don’t want that on my conscience.  It will be an enlightening experience, I promise.”

Brittany sighs and rolls her eyes.  See what she means about her roommate?  She’s not _yelling_ exactly, but everything feels like a lecture.  Even when she’s asking Brittany to go out with her.  Well, not _go out_ go out with her.  She wants Brittany to go to some bar and see her boyfriend’s band perform.

“It’s live music, Brittany.  You, as a dancer, should appreciate that.”

Brittany agrees to go, just as long as it means her roommate will stop yelling at her.  Brittany still thinks her roommate is a little scary.

It’s an eighteen-and-up night at the bar, so Brittany gets a dark black X on her hand when she shows her ID at the door.  It’s crowded and Brittany’s roommate grabs her hand to keep them from getting separated.  Brittany thinks her roommate’s hands are very tiny.

They find a small table to the left of the stage just as someone is doing a sound check.

“Which one is your boyfriend?” Brittany asks her roommate.

“The guitarist.  The blonde.”

The band comes on the stage and the crowd cheers loudly.  Brittany’s eyes immediately find the blonde guitarist and her eyes widen in surprise because she recognizes him.  It’s Santana’s friend, the one with the big lips. 

Brittany sees the band’s logo decaled on the bass drum in the back and turns to her roommate.  “What does SLK stand for?”

Brittany’s roommate rolls her eyes.  “Sweet Lady Kisses.”

Brittany watches as Lanky Angry Birds Guy sits behind the drums and starts to bang out a beat.  The bass joins in and Brittany realizes it’s the Asian guy and Brittany is starting to see why her roommate said it was creepy that she was watching people in the library.  She’s starting to get weirded out because she sort of kind of recognizes all these people she has never talked to.

The crowd lets out a big cheer and most of the people around Brittany stand up and clap and Brittany can’t really see the stage anymore. 

“How’s everyone out there doing tonight?”

Brittany cocks her head to the side in an attempt to see the stage.  She knows that voice. 

“We have a great show for you guys.  We’re going to start with some covers, but then we’re going to give you guys some original stuff we’ve been working on.”

There’s more cheers and Brittany strains her neck to see better.  That voice sounds a lot like…

The band jumps into The Doors’ _Hello I Love You_ and Brittany’s roommate shoots her a smile.  She leaps out of her chair and grabs Brittany’s hand, yanking her up.  Her roommate leads her closer to the stage, weaving in and out of screaming college students jumping around in excitement.

Brittany finally gets a good glance at the stage as her roommate squeezes them through two girls twirling each other around. 

“Oh my God.”

“They’re good right,” says her roommate, but Brittany doesn’t respond because she finally put a face to that familiar voice and that face is Santana’s. 

Brittany wonders how many times she thinks the world could possibly end, but this is another of those times because Santana is on stage and Brittany thinks she looks perfect up there.

She smiles as she sings into the microphone and runs a hand through her hair and Brittany thinks this cannot possibly be the girl who is so focused in the library all the time.  This girl is carefree and laughing and so, so beautiful. 

If the world hasn’t ended then Brittany is sure time has stopped because all she can see is Santana dancing around on stage and ruffling the guitarist’s hair and Brittany thinks she might have gone mad with wonder because Santana is so… perfect.

Santana wears jeans and her red Converse and a black blazer jacket with the sleeves cuffed at her elbows and as the song draws to a close, she whips her hair out of her eyes and Brittany can’t breathe.  She thinks Santana has sucked all the air out of the room with her perfection and now Brittany is sure that she might go into a Santana-induced seizure.

“Brittany, come on.”

Her roommate pulls her farther into the crowd and up to a booth where Pretty Blonde Girl is sitting.  “Quinn,” her roommate calls and the girl looks up and nods her head in greeting.

“Berry.”

Her roommate slides into the booth, pulling Brittany with her and now Brittany has a better view of the stage, but mostly a better view of Santana.

“This is my roommate, Brittany.  Brittany, this is Quinn.  Her boyfriend is the bassist.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Brittany politely says.  Her mom always told her to be polite.  Sometimes that’s why she thinks she’s too scared to say something to make her roommate stop yelling at her.

“Do you know anyone in the band?” Quinn asks and Brittany is about to say that actually, yes, she knows Santana, kind of, but then the music starts up again it’s hard to hear anything over the banging of the drums.

Brittany returns her attention to the stage and all she can see is Santana, singing and laughing.  The band does a few original songs that Brittany is amazed to see her roommate and Quinn sing along to and she has to admit, Sweet Lady Kisses is really awesome.  Brittany wants to dance, but all she does is sit there and watch Santana because well, that’s what she has done since she first saw Santana.  Brittany watched, captivated.

“Okay, we’re leaving you guys with a classic tonight,” Santana says into the microphone.  “It’s a little slower, but we know you guys are going to love it.”  She sits at the piano in the corner and everyone cheers.  Brittany recognizes the opening to Poison’s _Something to Believe In_.  Santana starts singing and Brittany melts a little because her voice is even sweeter and stickier than when she talks, gentler than when she was rocking out before.

The guitar and drums join in and Brittany watches Santana, eyes closed, fingers pressing over the piano keys.  Her sweet voice trickles through the air and filters into Brittany’s body until Brittany is sure the only thing she’s ever known is Santana’s sticky voice. 

Everyone cheers and claps when the song finally ends, but Brittany just sits there and looks at Santana as she opens her eyes and smiles softly, giggling a little when someone shouts out “Santana, I love you!”

Brittany thinks she’s never seen anything more perfect.

//

Brittany follows her roommate and Quinn to the back room for an after-party.  She scans the room for Santana, but doesn’t see her friend anywhere.  Quinn introduces her to her boyfriend Mike before they disappear somewhere and Brittany is left with her roommate.

“Rach! You made it!”  The blonde guitarist bounds up and scoops Brittany’s tiny roommate into his arms. 

The girl swats at him, but smiles anyway.  “Sam, this is Brittany.”

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn!”

Brittany’s eyes widen, but then Sam smiles at her.  “Gone with the Wind?”

“Okay, how about we don’t freak her out?” Rachel laughs and Brittany shifts her eyes, confused.

“Umm…”

“Trouty, if I have to see you kiss Berry tonight, I’m kicking you out of the band!”

Brittany snaps her head over to the familiar voice, smiling as Santana glides up.

“It’s wonderful to see you, as well, Santana.  This is my roommate – ”

“Britt?” Santana’s eyes flicker between Brittany and her roommate for a few moments before she lets out a laugh.  “ _Berry_ is your roommate?”

“Umm…” Brittany says again because she is really confused.

“Wait, Santana, you know Brittany?” Rachel asks and Santana laughs.

“Sure, Brittz and I go way back, don’t we, Britt?” Santana winks at her and Brittany relaxes and nods her head.  “I was just getting a drink, you want something?”

“Sure,” Brittany says and then her roommate is giving her that look that means she is about to start yelling at Brittany again.

“Brittany, need I remind you that you have dance tomorrow at ten?  It’s not productive to go to class with a hangover and – ”

“Can it, Berry.”  Santana rolls her eyes and grabs Brittany’s hand.  “Brittany doesn’t need you telling her what to do.  You’re not her mom.”

“I was merely suggesting, Santana, that Brittany – ”

“Nobody cares, hobbit.” Santana tugs Brittany away and Brittany smiles so huge she thinks her cheeks are going to pop. 

“That was awesome,” Brittany says when Santana hands her a shot of what Brittany thinks is tequila. 

Santana rolls her eyes.  “You definitely don’t need to be scared of her, Britt.  She’s all talk.  I honestly have no idea what Trouty sees in her.”

Brittany shrugs, but wraps an arm around Santana.  “Well, thanks anyway.”

Brittany thinks Santana flushes, but it might be left over from performing.  Santana clears her throat then pulls away and lifts her shot glass to Brittany’s.

“Ready?” Brittany nods and Santana smiles again.  “To… new friends?”

Brittany beams.

“To new friends.”

//

Brittany isn’t quite sure what’s going on.  There’s music playing and people milling about.  She’s sitting on a couch at someone’s house she doesn’t know and she’s not really sure how she got here.  She also isn’t sure why she’s in only her bra and jeans, but that happens sometimes when she drinks.

She remembers taking more shots with Santana, but she lost count somewhere along the way, and then Quinn was giving her a beer and a Jello-shot and… it’s a little fuzzy after that.

She thinks she got in a car with someone, which now that she thinks about it was probably pretty stupid…

She doesn’t remember when she lost her shirt, though.

Or whose house this is...

“Brittany!”

Brittany stands up and spins around, but the room is already spinning so now she is spinning like… double? She tips over and strong arms wrap around her waist.

“Santana, heyyyy!” Brittany giggles as she regains her balance.

“What happened to your shirt?”

Brittany shrugs.  “I don’t know!”

Santana smiles and Brittany picks her up and spins her around, laughing.

“Let me down, Britt,” Santana screeches and Brittany gently sets her back down on the ground.

Brittany smiles as Santana brushes the wrinkles out of her shirt.  Santana looks _so_ pretty.  “You look so pretty, tonight.”

Santana tilts her head to the side, a small grin on her lips.  “You’re drunk.”

“Doesn’t make you less pretty.”  Brittany is sure that Santana blushes this time.  She thinks it’s super cute.  “You’re cute when you blush.”

Santana covers her face with her hand and Brittany giggles, pulling it away.  She wants to see Santana’s face.  It’s so pretty.

“Stop, B.”  Brittany likes embarrassing Santana.  Santana is the cutest.

“Are you drunk?”

Santana shakes her head and reaches behind her before producing a bottle of water from nowhere.  “Here, you should drink this.”

Brittany takes the bottle and struggles with the cap, but she thinks maybe she is twisting it the wrong way.  Santana grabs the bottle from her and opens it before giving it back, smiling like Brittany is the cutest thing she’s ever seen.  Brittany smiles back because she thinks Santana is way cuter.

“Why is your band called Sweet Lady Kisses?” Brittany asks after taking a sip of water.

Santana shrugs.  “The band likes kissing the ladies.”

Brittany thinks she should ask something here, something about Santana liking sweet lady kisses, but then someone bumps into her and she spills her water.  It sloshes on Santana’s shoes and Brittany’s eyes go wide.

“Crap!  Sorry.” She starts to bend down to wipe it off, but Santana grabs her arm.

“It’s just water, Britt.”

“Yeah, but your shoes are so cool.  They’re my favorite ones.”  Brittany sometimes says things she shouldn’t say and feels stupid.  This is one of those times, but it doesn’t last long because Santana smiles at her and cocks an eyebrow.

“Oh yeah?”

Brittany hasn’t seen Santana smile like that, all coy and flirtatious and she stares at Santana’s lips for a second before replying.  She thinks her brain is extra slow.  Maybe because she took so many shots.  “Totally.   They’re awesome.”

Santana laughs and Brittany has never heard a sound more perfect.

//

The next morning, Brittany thinks maybe she should have listened to her roommate.  Her dance class was not fun when she had a hangover.  Afterward, she wanted to go back to her room and sleep, but she was afraid Rachel would be there and start lecturing her and Brittany thinks that somehow that would make her headache even worse.  So she went to the library like normal.  At least it’s quiet there.

In fact, the Architecture section is completely empty today and the silence wraps around Brittany like a fluffy pillow that she wants to lay her head down on and maybe take a nap…

Then suddenly Santana is there and she’s smiling at Brittany and leading Brittany back into the secluded shelves filled with books on Architecture that Brittany can’t understand.  Santana smiles at her and leans away from Brittany, her back resting against the bookshelves, and she’s smiling that coy smile from last night.  Brittany isn’t sure what Santana wants with that smile, but Brittany is leaning forward and brushing her lips against Santana’s so gently and they’re so soft and Brittany is so happy and…

“Brittany.  Wake up.”

She feels something poke her cheek and she groans.

“You’re drooling on your book.”

Brittany blinks her eyes open and they focus on Santana’s face in front of hers before widening in surprise.  She jolts up in her seat, thinking about her dream a few moments before.  Oh, God.  Brittany feels heat rush to her cheeks as Santana sits across from her at the table.  The Architecture section is still empty.  Brittany wonders how long she was sleeping for.

“You have lines on your cheek from your book,” Santana laughs out.  Then she pushes a coffee cup across the table and Brittany blinks again.

“Coffee?” Her voice is raspy from sleep and Santana smiles gently at her.

“Thought you might need it.”  Santana shrugs then passes her a bottle of pills.  “For your headache.”

Brittany feels something inside of her tighten.  Santana is smiling at her still, gently and cutely and Brittany feels like tiny droplets of feeling are being pumped into her bloodstream.  Tiny droplets of feeling and that feeling is something like Santana.

“Thanks,” Brittany manages to get out.  She kind of means for everything, but she’s not sure Santana will get that.

Brittany doesn’t remember much from the night before, but she does know that this morning she woke up on a couch that wasn’t hers and there was a bagel sitting on the coffee table and Quinn was singing quietly in the kitchen.  Quinn gave her a ride back to campus, telling her that Santana had to go to an early class, but she said that she’d meet Brittany in the library like usual.

Brittany didn’t know that Quinn and Santana live together, but she spent the night on their couch and she’s pretty sure Santana made sure Brittany didn’t throw up the night before.

Santana starts doing her homework, drawing on graph paper with her compass and her protractor and some skinny tool that Brittany doesn’t recognize and she just watches.  Santana is so focused all the time.  Brittany thinks Santana is really smart.

“I liked your band,” Brittany says after a little while of silence.  Santana looks up, eyes intense and dark.  “I mean, your music.  It’s really good.”

“It’s okay,” Santana shrugs.  “It’s just something we do for fun.”

“Your voice is so pretty,” Brittany says and blushes.

Santana just smiles and shrugs again before going back to her homework.

Brittany wants to ask Santana if she likes sweet lady kisses, but she doesn’t want to feel stupid.  She thinks she doesn’t want to feel stupid anymore, ever.  Brittany feels something inside of her morphing and shifting and she thinks it maybe started when Santana told off Rachel for her.

Brittany thinks something inside of her is changing. 

She wonders if anyone notices.

//

“What are you laughing at?”

Brittany looks up from her textbook as Santana sits down.  Santana doesn’t ask to sit with her anymore, she just does.  Brittany likes that.

“I learned something today,” Brittany says. 

“I’m glad, since that’s what you’re paying twenty grand a year for,” Santana jokes.  Brittany smiles and nods.

“It’s about Tchaikovsky.”

“Who?”

“He wrote ballets.  You know… like Swan Lake.”

“Oh, yeah.  Okay.”

Brittany _feels_ stupid a lot, but she thinks she can be smart sometimes.  She’s good at reading people, and she has a feeling that however Santana reacts to what she says next is important.

“Yeah.  So what I learned,” Brittany says and watches Santana closely, “was that he was gay.”

Santana snorts while she chews on her pencil and flips through her book.  “Where’d you learn that?”

“In my textbook,” Brittany says and points to the book.  “He got married to a woman, though.  Then they divorced.”

“Hmmm.”  Santana nods and Brittany feels disappointed.  Santana’s reaction was too indifferent. 

“I don’t know if I could do that,” says Brittany.

“Do what?”  Santana highlights something and Brittany wishes she had more of Santana’s attention because this feels important.

“Marry someone if I didn’t like that gender.  I mean,” Brittany takes a deep breath.  “I like both, so it wouldn’t matter, but if I didn’t like guys then why would I marry a guy?”

Santana looks up at her, face unreadable.  “Times were different back then, B.”

“I know they were.”

Santana nods and they both go back to their homework.  Brittany continues to read about Tchaikovsky, but she doesn’t get far because she keeps thinking about how she just told Santana she liked boys _and_ girls and Santana didn’t really say anything.  After long minutes of silence, Santana looks back at her again.

“I wouldn’t either, though.  You know, marry a guy.”  Brittany looks up and Santana shrugs cutely.  “If I didn’t like guys I wouldn’t marry one.”  Brittany laughs and Santana winks playfully.  “I might not even marry guys if I did like them.”

Brittany isn’t quite sure what that means, but Santana is smiling at her and Brittany is unraveling again and again.

//

Brittany goes with Rachel to watch Sweet Lady Kisses a few more times.  Well, Rachel goes to watch Sweet Lady Kisses.  Brittany goes to watch Santana.

Brittany isn’t really sure what’s happening inside her, but Santana sings Lifehouse’s _Falling In_ and Brittany feels like something is twisting around her heart, tugging on it and squeezing it until something is too tight and needs to disentangle in there.  She told Santana they were her favorite.

Santana catches her eye when she’s on stage sometimes and she smiles this little smile that Brittany thinks means something.  She just doesn’t know what.

She knew Santana was kind of perfect, but now Brittany _feels_ it.  It flows through her blood, sinking into her bones and filling up her stomach.

Brittany isn’t sure what that means for her, and that makes her feel kind of stupid, but she doesn’t know what to do about it.

So Brittany does what she always does.

Brittany watches.

Brittany wishes she could do something more, though.  She just doesn’t know what.

//

“You should date someone, Brittany.”

Brittany rolls her eyes and wishes she was in the library.  The more time she spends in her room, the more she realizes that Santana was right: Rachel is more annoying than scary.

Rachel takes Brittany’s silence as permission to go on.  “It would be really good for you.  Sam has a friend, Rory, I think you would really like him.”

“I don’t want to date anyone, Rachel.”  Brittany thinks this isn’t really a lie.  She doesn’t want to date anyone.  She wants to date Santana.  Santana isn’t anyone.

“Why not?”

Brittany doesn’t really have an answer for that.

“He’s really nice.  If anything, it’s free dinner and a night out.”

“I don’t know, Rachel…”

“It would be unbearably rude of you to not even give the guy a chance, Brittany.”

Brittany sighs and pinches her nose.

“Fine.”

She agrees, if it means Rachel will leave her alone.

It’s one date.  It couldn’t hurt, could it?

//

Rory is pretty nice, Brittany has to admit.  He has a cute smile, but Brittany can’t understand a thing he says.  Rachel said he’s from Ireland.  That confuses Brittany a little.  She thought they spoke English there…

“D’ya like dis band?”

Brittany accepted the boy’s offer to see Sweet Lady Kisses with him.  If anything, it means she’ll get to see Santana sing.

“Yeah, they’re awesome.”

They sit in a booth and Rory holds her hand and Brittany watches Santana.  Santana gives her that smile that makes Brittany’s heart kick start and Rory puts his arm around her and Brittany feels uneasy. 

Later, when the band is done playing, everyone is milling around and drinking and Rory puts his hand on the wall next to where she is leaning and kisses her.  She pulls away, disappointed.

Rory is cute.

But he’s not Santana.

//

The next time Brittany sees Santana at the library, Brittany thinks something isn’t right.  Santana keeps being short with her, cold almost.

“Are you okay?” Brittany asks her eventually and Santana just shrugs, avoiding her eyes.  “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re lying.”

Santana sighs, somewhat dramatically, and Brittany would laugh at her, but she doesn’t like this.  She thinks Santana might be mad at her.

“Are you mad at me?”

“ _No_ , Britt.”  Santana stares at her graph paper, but for once she doesn’t look focused.  Her eyes look far away.

“Then what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m just having a bad day.”  Santana packs her stuff up into her backpack.  “Look, I have to go.  I have a test and stuff tomorrow.”

Then Santana is leaving, without even a backward glance at Brittany.

Brittany doesn’t know what she did, but she suddenly feels very stupid.

//

“Brittany, you need to stop moping around this room.  It’s not healthy and it’s throwing off my good vibes.  I can’t practice in this negative environment.”

Brittany thinks she might strangle Rachel.  This is her room, too, and she can mope around if she wants to.  She flops onto her bed with a sigh.

Rachel approaches her, hands on her hips.  “What’s wrong?”

“I think Santana is mad at me.”

“Why would she be mad at you?”

Brittany shrugs.  She doesn’t know.

“Is it because of your date the other night?”

Brittany sits up.  “What?”

Rachel rolls her eyes.  “Well Quinn told me Santana talks about you at home all the time.  She was complaining about it.  It was quite annoying actually.  Anyway… it’s pretty obvious she’s been pining after you since I first found out you knew each other.”

Brittany blinks.  “She has?”

“Obviously.”

Brittany doesn’t think it’s that obvious because she didn’t notice.  She’s the one who has been pining after Santana if anything.

“How do you know?”

“You’re the only one she doesn’t snap at.”

Brittany didn’t notice.  She thought Santana just didn’t like Rachel.

“Santana… isn’t gay,” Brittany says uncertainly.

“Did she tell you that?  Because I saw her hitting on a girl at the beginning of the semester.”

Brittany feels her heart picking up.  She doesn’t _know_ if Santana is gay or not.  She never really found out.  Brittany has never really listened to anything Rachel has had to say in the past, but she’s paying attention now.

“When? Who?”

Rachel looks at her curiously.  “Before I knew you guys were friends.  Oh my God. Brittany! Do you _like_ her?”  Rachel steps closer and Brittany leans back.

“Umm… well…”

Rachel claps her hands together, her smile turning into a triumphant smirk.  “You _do_!”

“Well… I….”

“Okay, Brittany, we need a plan.”

Brittany’s eyes widen.  “A what?”

“A plan, Brittany.”  Rachel shoots her an incredulous look.  “So that you can ask her out.”

Brittany feels uneasy.  “What kind of plan?”

“A romantic one.”  Rachel begins to pace back and forth across their tiny dorm. “Alright, well she likes music.  Maybe you should serenade her.  Yes, with flowers.  I could get some people from the program to help out, and maybe you could choreograph an elaborate dance…”

Rachel goes on, but Brittany just sits there.  She doesn’t think Santana would like being serenaded, if she’s being honest.  Santana likes simple things. 

“I could just tell her how I feel…” Brittany suggests.

“Don’t be stupid, Brittany.”  Brittany shrinks into herself as Rachel continues. 

“No.”  Brittany says, surprising herself.

“What?” Rachel stops pacing.

“I’m not stupid.  Santana isn’t going to want to be serenaded.  It will embarrass her.”

“Brittany, listen here – ”

“No, you listen, Rachel.”  Brittany stands up, suddenly angry.  “I don’t need to listen to you.  I think I know what Santana would want.  You’re not friends with her.  And you know what, I’m tired of you telling me what’s best for me.  I think I know what’s best for me.  I don’t need you to tell me how much to sleep, or what to eat, or who I should go on dates with.”

“Brittany – ”

“No, I don’t want to hear it, Rachel.  I’m doing what I want to do.”

She leaves Rachel standing in their room, eyes wide and mouth open.  Brittany thinks it feels really good.

//

She walks into the library, determined.  When she sees Santana sitting in the Architecture section, she almost stops to admire her, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, hair flowing around her cheeks, but she keeps going until she’s in front of the girl.

“Santana.”

Santana looks up, confused, and Brittany doesn’t really know what she’s doing, but Brittany is a girl of movement.  Brittany says things that make her feel stupid sometimes, so she decides not to say anything at all.  Brittany decides to _do_ something.

Brittany is tired of watching.

She leans forward, grabbing Santana’s face in her hands, and breathing in deeply before touching her lips to Santana’s.

It only lasts a second, because Santana makes a little squeak in surprise and Brittany suddenly realizes what she’s doing and pulls away, shocked at her actions.

Santana stares at her, eyes dark and intense.  “Brittany… what…?”

“Crap.  Don’t be mad.”

Santana just looks at her and Brittany panics.  “I had to… I don’t…”  Brittany takes a deep breath.  “Ever since I saw you, I thought you were like, the most perfect person I’ve ever seen.  Everything you do is perfect.  The way you do your homework, and the clothes you wear, and the way you sing.  You’re just so perfect, Santana.  But I realized that it doesn’t matter if you’re perfect, because I think you might be perfect for me, and I know that doesn’t really sound any different, but it _is_.  It’s so different.”

Santana opens her mouth to say something, but Brittany cuts her off.  “No, I’m not done.  See, I feel stupid all the time.  I’m not smart like you, and I don’t have a way with words like Rachel, but I told her that I’m not stupid and I’m going to do what I want and I’m telling you that, too.  I want to date you.”

Brittany feels tears spring up in the corners of her eyes.  Santana just sits there.

“Are you just going to sit there?”

Santana shrugs.  “You told me you weren’t done.”

“Well, I’m done now.”

“Okay,” Santana says and Brittany looks at her for a moment before turning around and walking away.  She’s so stupid.  She should’ve listened to Rachel.  What was she thinking?

“Britt, where are you going?” Santana catches up to her outside the library and grabs her arm from behind, spinning her around.

“I don’t know… away?”

“But I didn’t get to say yes, yet.”

“I know, okay? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.  Pretend I didn’t say anything.”  Brittany tries to get away, but Santana grips her arm harder.  “What?”

“I said yes.”

“Yes, what?” Brittany asks, confused.  She wishes Santana would just let her go.  She feels so stupid.

“Yes, I would like to date you.”

“You… huh?”

Santana sighs and rolls her eyes.  Then she stands on her tip-toes, hand curling around the back of Brittany’s neck, and brings their lips together.

Brittany’s stomach bottoms out, her heart creeping into her throat, and everything inside of her unravels. 

 “I’ve wanted to do that for ages,” Santana whispers when she pulls away, her lips resting against Brittany’s.

“Me too,” Brittany squeaks.  “Why didn’t you say something?”

Santana shrugs and gives Brittany that small smile that makes Brittany’s chest feel too tight, like she’s being wound up.  “I didn’t think you wanted me to.”

Brittany gives her a sly smirk.  “You weren’t mad at me.  You were jealous.”

Santana blushes and Brittany thinks it’s the cutest thing she’s ever seen.  “I… I’m kind of possessive.”

Brittany thinks that, okay, maybe Santana isn’t _perfect_ , but if anything, that makes her more perfect.  Brittany’s not sure that makes sense, but she knows what she’s talking about, okay?

“You sang for me.  You sang a Lifehouse song for me.”

Santana blushes darker and leans in closer.  “I… yeah.  I didn’t think you’d put that together.  You’re too smart for me, I guess.”  Santana shrugs again.  “Okay, enough talking.  I’ve been waiting months to kiss you, since we had coffee the first time.  I’m going to kiss you.”

“Okay,” Brittany breathes out through a smile.

Brittany feels stupid a lot, but she thinks she is catching on now as Santana’s lips glide against hers and it feels like Brittany is coming undone.

Brittany thinks it doesn’t get more perfect than that.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm taking fic prompts on my tumblr (emilyjunklegacy) until June 30. (not Brittana though, sorry)


End file.
